Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Obama terrorist's best friend

In which kid is suspended for wearing an anti-Obama t-shirt to school.

In which Sybil Vane embarrasses herself talking about said suspended kid.

Poor Sybil. And on such an easy target, too.

Putting aside the love of censorship (when it is used against people who don't worship Obama), which is indeed plenty stupid enough by itself, this gem of a phrase sticks out: "Your kid's shirt is racist."

The t-shirt, for the record, said: "Obama terrorist's best friend." Lack of punctuation in the original.

Now, I can't figure out how that is racist. But what I can figure out is that saying something bad about Obama is racist, even if it is not directed at him because of his race. Yes, I know what you're saying--that that's not the definition of racism. When it comes to Obama, though, you are wrong. Here is the new Obama (TM) approved definition of racism:

rac·ism [rey-siz-uhm]
1.a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.

Excuse me, that was the actual definition. Here's the new one:

rac·ism [rey-siz-uhm]
1.a belief or doctrine that Barack Obama can do wrong.


Poor, foolish Sybil.

So, let me get this straight:

1) Obama is going to protect American womens' access to birth control.
2) Obama is going to have his military kill innocent Pakistani, Afghani and Iraqi women, thereby denying them birth control (or life control, or even death control).

Now, to the bitches, these contradictions are not racist, because American women are better than Pakistani and Afghani wo...well, maybe they are racist. Or nationalist, at least. But maybe I'm not approaching this from the right angle.

So, those contradictions are not racist, because women born in America merit more consideration than women born...no, that's still not good.

All right, I can't figure that out. But let's move to the next topic.

"Obama terrorist's best friend" is, I would argue, accurate, though probably not for the reason the kid or his dad wrote it on the shirt in question. Here's why:

1) For years, liberals have been complaining that Bush's war in Iraq was stupid because it created more terrorists, and helped al Qaeda* recruit. (*Let's pretend "al Qaeda" exists in anything close to the form we generally imagine it to exist in for the purpose of this discussion)

2) Obama is planning on continuing the occupation of Iraq with mercenaries, "security trainers," military bases, overflights, etc.

Again, call me crazy, because it seems like Obama is going to be dredging up the same helpful recruiting bonuses for al Qaeda by continuing the same occupation Bush started. So yes, he would be a "friend" to the terrorists. Every innocent family his goons gun down at a checkpoint is another loyal recruit.

And of course, if we define "terrorism" as the "unwarranted murder of innocents," well then, we might even say that Obama's plans to bomb Pakistan and Afghanistan and Iraq and possibly-Iran-and-who-knows-where-the-hell-else could constitute terrorism.

I think I know what Sybil Vane would say to that, along with her fellow hosts. That's right: this press conference is over.

No comments: